Spastics....

So I was cruising some classified ads tonight and came across a few cute cat adverts. I was looking through and gazing at the cute pictures when I came across such a fucking retardly written I had to email them... as follows:

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I really can't understand how the hell you've got through live so far with spelling like that.

Your ad: looking for a female cat for my littel frend must be from 4moths old to 6 moths old any culler mut be abal to deliver

How it SHOULD be: Looking for a female cat for my LITTLE FRIEND. Must be from 4 MONTHS old to 6 MONTHS old. Any COLOUR. Must be ABLE to deliver.

Jesus. What are you?
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Seriously, what the FUCK is up with people?

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"The Plain White Ts", the REAL story behind "Delilha"

It has come to my attention that this is the real story behind their shit song:
______________________________________

PWT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT ROOM "ONLINE TEENS"

pwt: Hey there Delilah
delilah14nyc: hi
pwt: What's it like in New York City?
delilah14nyc: ok. wer u from
pwt: I'm a thousand miles away
delilah14nyc: oh rite. u look at my profile? i look ugly
pwt: But girl tonight you look so pretty
delilah14nyc: thx but i dunt
pwt: Yes you do
delilah14nyc *blushes*
pwt: Times Square can't shine as bright as you
delilah14nyc: lol
pwt: I swear it's true
delilah14nyc has logged off


THE NEXT DAY

PWT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT ROOM "ONLINE TEENS"

pwt: Hey there Delilah
delilah14nyc: hi agen
pwt: Don't you worry about the distance
delilah14nyc: wot?
pwt: I'm right there if you get lonely
delilah14nyc: aww thx
pwt: Give this song another listen
delilah14nyc: wot song?
pwt: Close your eyes
delilah14nyc: ok
pwt: Listen to my voice it's my disguise
delilah14nyc: im on webcam if u wnt?
pwt: I'm by your side
delilah14nyc: moms coming i g2g
delilah14nyc has logged off
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: dude shes gone
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: dude shes gone!
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: stop it dude
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: seriously, shes gone
pwt: What you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: i'll fucking do something to you in a minute, you asshole

THE NEXT DAY

PWT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT ROOM "ONLINE TEENS"

pwt: Hey there Delilah
delilah14nyc: hi pwt
pwt: I know times are getting hard
delilah14nyc: i know, my mom thinks ur to old 4 me
pwt: But just believe me girl, someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
delilah14nyc: really? But ur not tht gud!
pwt: We'll have it good
delilah14nyc: we?
pwt: We'll have the life we knew we would
delilah14nyc: but wev not even met yet
pwt: My word is good
delilah14nyc: ur freekin me out
pwt: Hey there Delilah
delilah14nyc: im still here
pwt: I've got so much left to say
delilah14nyc: pm if u wnt or mail me
pwt: If every simple song I wrote to you would take your breath away, I'd write it all
delilah14nyc: aww thts sweet it is a v simple song
pwt: Even more in love with me you'd fall
delilah14nyc: aw that cute to
pwt: We'd have it all
delilah14nyc: moms coming agen i g2g spk 2moz
delilah14nyc has logged off
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: you again?
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: don't make me come down there
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: ffs man
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: right, that's it
pwt: What you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: I'm getting a knife

THE NEXT DAY

PWT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT ROOM "ONLINE TEENS"

jesuslovesu2k7: oh, well look who it isn't
pwt: A thousand miles seems pretty far
jesuslovesu2k7: from what?
pwt: But they've got planes and trains and cars
jesuslovesu2k7: fuck this shit again
jesuslovesu2k7 has logged off
DELILAH14NYC HAS ENTERED THE CHAT ROOM "ONLINE TEENS"
pwt: I'd walk to you if I had no other way
delilah14nyc: hi pwt u talking to me?
pwt: Our friends would all make fun of us
delilah14nyc: well u r 22 n im only 14
pwt: and we'll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way
delilah14nyc: aw ur so sweet :)
pwt: Delilah I can promise you that by the time we get through the world will never ever be the same
delilah14nyc: that's bcuz by th time im legal ull be like 26 n old :(
pwt: And you're to blame
delilah14nyc: thats not nice im gunna go
pwt: Hey there Delilah, you be good and don't you miss me
delilah14nyc: ill try but that was mean
pwt: Two more years and you'll be done with school
delilah14nyc: its more like 4 :( n then im goin to college
pwt: And I'll be making history like I do
delilah14nyc: ull be makin history for groomin me :(
pwt: You'll know it's all because of you
delilah14nyc: y u bein mean today
pwt: We can do whatever we want to
delilah14nyc: not till im 18 :'(
pwt: Hey there Delilah here's to you
delilah14nyc: shit moms online n just told me she read our chats shes callin 911 on u :'( im sorry im sorry
pwt: This ones for you
delilah14nyc: shit im in trouble fuck fuck
delilah14nyc has logged off
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: you STILL?!
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: dude, you better run if shes like 14
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: seriously man get out you're going to be in prison!
pwt: Oh it's what you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: jesusfuckingchrist
pwt: What you do to me
jesuslovesu2k7: good luck, man. you're dead
______________________________________


dickheads.
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Teens Guilty Of Garry Newlove Murder

One of the three teenagers found guilty of murdering a father of three had been released from custody on bail hours before taking part in the vicious street attack.

Garry Newlove, 47, died after he was set upon by a gang who kicked his body "like a football" outside his home in Warrington.

16-year-old Jordan Cunliffe, 17-year-old Stephen Sorton and 19-year-old Adam Swellings were convicted at Chester Crown Court.

Swellings had been released from custody on bail on August 10 last year. Hours later, he was part of the gang which attacked Mr Newlove.

One of the bail conditions was that Swellings was to have kept out of Warrington.

Two other teenagers, aged 15 and 17, were cleared of murder and manslaughter.

Sky correspondent Mike McCarthy said the five teenagers had sat rocking back and forward as they awaited the jury's decision.

"When the verdicts were read out by the foreman of the jury, there were loud sobs," he said.

Helen Newlove, the victim's wife, broke down in tears after the jury had been sent out by the judge, Mr Justice Andrew Smith.

The Crown Prosecution Service said the case was a warning to other young people.

"This was a callous crime committed by young men. They kicked and punched Mr Newlove to death, leaving his three daughters without a devoted dad and his wife without a loving husband," said Ian Rushton, chief Crown prosecutor for CPS Cheshire.

"This case is a strong warning for those young people who think they can get away with harassing, punching and intimidating residents, never caring about the consequences of their acts."

Mr Newlove was at home with his family on August 10 when he heard noises outside at about 11pm and went to investigate.

Within minutes he was surrounded by a gang of youths who punched and kicked him to the ground.

The attack left Mr Newlove in a coma and he died two days later.

His eldest daughter Zoe witnessed the attack and told the court they were just kicking him "like you'd kick a football".

As he lay in hospital his youngest daughter Amy, 12, wrote a letter to him which said: "I am unable to see you right now as you are too ill but I know you can fight this as you are a strong loving man who I know loves me no matter what."

So it would seem that, finally, some justice is being done against ASBO chavs. The only problem is, it took the death of an innocent man trying to protect his estate and family for it to happen.

What we face now is people taking a back-seat to it all thinking "woo, justice! yey!". Whereas, actually, they should now be thinking; "We've got the once, now lets go out there and stop these ASBO pricks once and for all".

But will that happen? Will it fuck. Someone else will have to get killed before some oiks gets and ASBO. This country fucking sucks.
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'Muslim Extremists Creating No-Go Areas'

One of the Church of England's most senior bishops says he fears Islamic extremists are creating "no-go areas" across Britain for non-Muslims.

The right reverend Michael Nazir-Ali, the Church's only Asian bishop, says people of a different race or faith face being attacked in some Muslim areas.

In the Sunday Telegraph he criticises the doctrine of multiculturalism for creating separate communities which fail to integrate in to the mainstream of society.

In a wide-ranging attack, Dr Nazir-Ali, the Bishop of Rochester, compares intimidation by Muslim radicals to that by far-Right extremists.

He questions whether elements of Sharia law are applicable in the UK and confronts directly the use of loudspeakers on mosques to spread the call to prayer.

The bishop writes: "...there has been a worldwide resurgence of the ideology of Islamic extremism.

"One of the results of this has been to further alienate the young from the nation in which they were growing up and also to turn already separate communities into 'no-go' areas where adherence to this ideology has become a mark of acceptability."

Inayat Bunglawala, assistant secretary-general of the Muslim Council of Britain accused the bishop of scaremongering.

He said: "Bishop Nazir-Ali appears to be exercised by what he perceives as the decline in the influence of Christianity upon this country.

"But trying to frantically scaremonger about Islam and Muslims seems to us to be a rather unethical way of trying to reverse this."

So this guy is finally saying what everyone is thinking... The problem is that they have this attitude about it being a "muslim" area. The truth of the matter is that it is NOT a "muslim" area, it's an area of the United Kingdom where muslims have chosen to live. Whichever way you look at it, this is a Christian/Catholic-based country (sadly) which is tolerant enough to allow other races and religions a chance to settle here. The second you start claiming areas as your own, whatever race or religion, you lose your right to be tolerated. This is not the dark ages where people colonise areas. This is the 21st century where people should get along with each other, ESPECIALLY if you are in their country as a guest (no matter how permanent your are or shit the country is).

Now, lets all grow up and stop being such dicks. Remove religion, remove hatred. Simple as that.
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Information for the People who Cry About Social Networking Websites...

MySpace, Facebook, Bebo... They're all as secure as each other...

People who complain about them NOT being secure are looking for someone to blame. On every single one of those sites there are options to hide all your information to people other than your friends.

But what if, I hear you ask, you don't want even your FRIENDS to see your page?

Simple answer? Get the hell off the internet and read a book. They are called Networking sites because you are meant to talk to people, meet new people, find old friends...

Also...

MySpace: Emo girls striking stupid poses and crap indie bands thinking they're the next internet phenomenon
Bebo: Chavs with nothing better to do than to MSN each other pictures of themselves naked
Facebook: Intelligent networking led by keeping track of your current friends, not by making new ones because "u luk well fit in ur pic"...

Gawd...
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Gillian Gibbons Wants To Teach In China

Teddy bear row teacher Gillian Gibbons is heading abroad to work again - this time setting her sights on a job in China.

Undeterred by her time in a Sudanese jail, the 54-year-old Liverpool mother has told Hello! magazine she still hopes to work abroad.

The primary school teacher was jailed in Sudan for insulting Islam when she allowed her pupils to name a teddy Mohammed.

Mrs Gibbons said: "I've been to China on holiday before and loved it.

"I know I'm the most notorious teacher in the world at the moment, but I'm hoping that perhaps no one has heard of me there.

"I'm driven to follow my dream of teaching abroad again."

Mrs Gibbons was spared a flogging after a seven-hour trial where she was sentenced to 15 days in jail.

After eight days she was pardoned when two British Muslim peers flew to the Sudanese capital, Khartoum, to campaign for her release.

Her treatment caused international outrage, with British Muslim groups describing it as excessive.

She has now revealed her passport is stamped "Deportee", but she would like to return to an Islamic country at some point.

In the interview Mrs Gibbons thanked Lord Ahmed and Baroness Warsi who helped negotiate her release, describing their efforts as "brilliant".

She also said she had been overwhelmed by support from British and Sudanese Muslims but added that the incident was surreal at times.

Oh dear... I give it a week before she makes a Jackie Chan or "Chicken Flied Lice" joke...

Please, for the love of god, do some fucking research before you balls up your life again. Oh, and don't let on you have more than one child.
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Youth Dies After Leicester Attack

Police have launched a murder inquiry after a teenage boy died in the street after apparently being assaulted.

The 16-year-old was pronounced dead at the scene of the attack in Leicester, shortly after 5am.

Three people have been arrested - a boy aged 14, a 15-year-old girl, and a woman who is 31.

Police have confirmed that the dead boy, who has not been named, lived in the city.

The violent start to 2008 came after the youth had been celebrating the New Year.

An area of Fosse Road South in Leicester has been cordoned off by police to allow a forensic examination to take place.

Officers said that a post-mortem examination had yet to be carried out on the dead youth.

Detective Chief Inspector Phil Smith, who is leading the investigation for Leicestershire Police, said: "We are in the very early stages of the investigation and are trying to piece together exactly what happened.

"I would appeal to anyone who witnessed the incident, was in the area at the time or has any information that could help with our investigation to get in touch urgently."

Happy Fucking New Year, from the Chav Scum that have NO RESPECT for anyone. Good luck in your future, being only 14 and 15 and killing people, I'm sure you've got a bright one ahead. Stupid, fucking, scum.
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Rottweiler Death Was 'Waiting To Happen'

A neighbour of a couple whose rottweiler mauled their 13-month-old grandson to death has declared it was an accident "waiting to happen".

The dog, reportedly weighing between seven and 10 stone, savaged Archie-Lee Hirst on Friday.

The child was spending Christmas at his grandparents' house in Wakefield, West Yorkshire, when the animal - later destroyed by police - viciously attacked.

Neighbour Adelaide Foster said she had been concerned about the dog, particularly near children.

She told the Yorkshire Evening Post: "I remember thinking, it's really weird to have a dog like that and children playing in a small yard. It was waiting to happen, to be honest. We are devastated.

"I wish I had seen them (the couple) and I would have said, 'I'm concerned about this dog, why have you got it?'"

She claimed the dog used to growl aggressively and jump up at the fence.

Meanwhile, detectives have said the focus of their investigation is to carry out house-to-house inquiries.

Archie-Lee's paternal grandfather told reporters the "nasty" dog should not have been allowed anywhere near the children.

Taxi driver Andrew Williamson, 48, said: "My son (Archie's father Damian, 20) said it was a nasty dog. It was kept in the backyard - it wasn't a house dog. If it was that nasty, it shouldn't have access to children."

The attack happened while Archie-Lee's 16-year-old aunt was babysitting him and her two younger sisters, aged six and seven.

He was being carried to the back door by the seven-year-old when the dog snatched the child out of her arms.

"Hi, I'm their equally chavvy neighbour. I didn't give a shit about them and their dog or their children, I just wanted my name in the news."

Fuck off.

And also, this quote is interesting:

Taxi driver Andrew Williamson, 48, said: "My son (Archie's father Damian, 20) said it was a nasty dog. It was kept in the backyard - it wasn't a house dog. If it was that nasty, it shouldn't have access to children."

IT DIDN'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE CHILDREN. THE CHILDREN HAD ACCESS TO IT. It's a totally different situation than the one they are making out. The dog was locked outside, away from the children. The children then went to the dog. It's not like the dog came looking for lunch is it? Fucking DICKHEADS.
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McCanns Plan A Return Trip To Portugal

Gerry and Kate McCann are planning to return to Portugal to boost publicity for the hunt to find their missing daughter Madeleine.

They know the case has slipped from newspaper and television headlines throughout Europe and are desperate to get it back in the news.

Posters have also been taken down from shop windows in the beach resort of Praia de Luz from where Madeleine went missing on May 3.

Now, the McCanns are preparing for a round of media interviews in the New Year to put the case back in the public eye.

But until Portuguese police formally clear the couple of their 'arguido' (suspect) status they cannot speak in detail about the investigation.

"We have always said they'd go back if it would help the investigation," said the McCanns' spokesman, Clarence Mitchell.

"At the moment we just want to concentrate on getting the arguido status lifted. Once that has happened we would review everything and there are reasons why they may go back to Portugal.

"There is a need to keep Madeleine's disappearance in people's minds," he added.

A Christmas television appeal by the McCanns prompted hundreds of calls from the public and several new leads were followed up by the private investigation team hired by the family.

A new poster campaign has also been launched in Morocco where a number of sightings of Madeleine have been reported since she vanished eight months ago.

I think I speak for everyone when I say:

FUCK OFF

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Toddler Mauled to Death by Dog

The mother of a 13-month-old boy mauled to death by a rottweiler has said her "sleeping angel" will always be in her heart.

Becki Hirst turned 18 on Sunday, just two days after her son Archie-Lee was killed by the family pet, which police described as weighing "in the region of seven to 10 stone".

The toddler was spending Christmas at his grandparents' house in Wakefield, West Yorkshire, when the dog attacked.

In a statement, Ms Hirst paid tribute to her 16-year-old sister, who fought in vain to save Archie-Lee from the rottweiler's jaws.

She said: "I'd like to say to Kara we are all so proud of her - she tried.

"She's a hero in my eyes and will be respected for what she did for the rest of her life."

Ms Hirst described Archie-Lee as her "world", adding: "It's so hard for me at this time."

She said: "We shared so many precious memories in the short while that we had together. He is loved by many. He will always be in our hearts, never to be forgotten. He's my sleeping angel.

"All I want is to give my baby the best send-off that he deserves so my little Archie can rest in peace."

Her tribute concluded: "RIP my little angel. You're in our hearts forever, mummy's little man."

Ms Hirst also leaves a message on the Bebo social networking website.

Police have been conducting house-to-house inquiries near the home where the boy was attacked.

Well-wishers delivered floral tributes to the end-terrace house in Chald Lane.

So here we have yet another dead child thanks to a dog. But is it really the dogs' fault? Is it really the fault of an animal that doesn't know right from wrong? Is it really the fault of an animal that, when it comes down to it, is a hunting animal?

You could argue for days about the breed of any dog that kills and how they should be banned from being kept as pets... But again, when it comes down to it, ALL dogs have a nasty side. It just so happens that when a big dog like this one shows that nasty side, it does more damage than a Yorkshire Terrier would.

And this is when it comes down to the responsibility of the parent to make sure their child is safe from the dog.

From my understanding, the dog was kept away from the children and the children, or rather the 7 year old, went looking for the dog which, in my book, does not make this the dogs' fault.

So lets look at the facts:

• Teenage mother
• She must have given birth at 16 if she just turned 18 and he just turned 1
• Teenage mother leave 1 year old in the care of a 16 year old
• A child looking after a child...
• ...who is also looking after other children at the same time
• A dog who was locked away from the children
• A seven year old, who was under the care of the 16 year old, takes the 1 year old to "see the dog"
• A dog who was probably never brought into contact with small children for obvious reasons is suddenly confronted with two
• Dog thinks: TOYS! YEY!

What we will now have is the usual onslaught of stupid headlines from ignorant journalists who spend more time chasing stupid stories than at home looking after a pet.

Headline Number 1

Unsurprisingly, the Sun latches on to what it thinks is a heart-wrenching story and in it's standard way, goes over the top with a massive chavvy headline, a picture of the victims looking cheerful and a massive snarly dog (all next to some slag with her tits and minge out).

Yes, it's a sad story. Yes, it's not the right way for anyone to die (what is the right way though?). Yes, big dogs can be dangerous. But that's just it; CAN BE dangerous, not ARE dangerous.

I grew up with a Doberman that was almost twice my size and he never ever went for me once. Why? Because he knew what was best for him, that's why. Maybe when you've got 12384612 kids being brought up by kids it's hard to look after a massive dog as well. Maybe when you've got kids being brought up by kids you've got an issue far greater than one angry dog...

Headline Number 2

Surprisingly, a non-chavvy, non-tabloid paper giving dogs a bad name...

Now is it that "Attacks by Dogs Soar to a New High" or is it "Bad Training of Dogs Soars to a New High"?

I think really, we know which it is.

How many little boys in tracksuits and white caps do you see on a daily basis walking down a busy road with a Staffordshire Bull Terrier that is literally dragging them down the road? Exactly, a lot. And why do they have these dogs? Because Pitbulls are banned, the Staffy is the closest looking and it's a fashion statement/status symbol.

What we need to do is not ban every fucking dog in the world, we need to educate people into how to actually train a dog. Yes, some people will train their dog to be agressive and if that dog kills someone, it's their own fault and THEY should be put down, not the dog. But most people just want a pet and it's at this point that they should be educated.

Another angle to the story;

Have you ever tried to adopt a dog from the RSPCA or other rescue home? Do you have any idea how many checks they do before they even let you touch a fucking dog? It's more than an adoption agency. Why don't all pet owners get a random check about their suitability? Why don't all chavs get a random check full stop?
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